I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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