The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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