Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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