Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
