well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
