You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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