It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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