Michael Bay diarrhea
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
