so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
