she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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