This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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