he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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