yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
