I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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