I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
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