you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
The ass gains better be worth it
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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