508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
