these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
