No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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