Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
