he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
