FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
