Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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