I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
