i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
