The maid of honor just puked.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
