i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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