areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
