Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
When are your genitals available?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
