People with herpes should wear stickers.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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