I wish life had little blips of pornography
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
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