hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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