that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
