Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
