if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
