all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
