Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
