Girls should come with a carfax report
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
