Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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