I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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