Since when is my name a synonym for head?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
