I've blown a few things in my day
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
