I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
