Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
