Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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