My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
