weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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