this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
