Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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