Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
