Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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