My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
