You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
